Ever since I can remember, I had always been single.
I would “talk” to guys and even be asked on dates. In high school every guy—which weren’t that many—who wanted to make it official, I stopped talking to. Something about titles never stuck well with me.
Most of my life was spent with guys not truly showing interest in who I was. Plain and simple: I just wasn’t their type. As a matter a fact, it felt like, at the time, I wasn’t any ones type because those who showed interests were far and few. Of course, I did get the occasional “hello” from people I had no interest in.
I was this tiny framed little girl who no one truly paid any attention to. I wasn’t that video vixen that all the guys flocked after.
I was always so-and-so’s little sister. I was a friend of a friend. I was “the weird one.” I was the “good girl!”
I was the girl counted out. The girl who never had a plus one. The girl who always went alone. A lot of the time it was because my friends would bail out on me. And, the other half of the time, it was because I psyched myself into thinking I didn’t need anyone. I wore my badge of Pride wherever I went. (Afterall, why fully devote yourself to friendships that didn’t seem to have a true foundation, I thought.) Now, that’s a whole nother story.
If I wasn’t accepted, I wouldn’t go back.
If they weren’t kind to me, I would treat them as if they were not there. In my eyes they weren’t even in the room.
I figured the more clingy you are towards people, the more vulnerable you must be. The more you must wear your heart on your sleeve, because, at one point, you had to hide. I HAD TO HIDE. You see being you means being vulnerable, which means uncovering every part of you to the world.
It means showing the world that you aren’t always strong.
It means exposing that you have made bad choices.
It means allowing people to see that you aren’t perfect.
And as the time on the clock counts down, and the buzzer is about to sound; instead of being embarrassed, you must remember that you are filled with God’s might and power. And you now know that no matter what happens to you, or happened to you, you can do anything now. There will be nothing holding you back, no bondages holding you hostage.
You can take off the mask that you’ve been wearing all of your life and live in freedom. Do you want to live in freedom? Freedom is knowing who and where your identity derives; it is being confident in who you are, and caring less about what the naysayers say, or how you are perceived.
Who cares that you were rejected all of your life.
Who cares that people misunderstood you.
Who cares that people counted you out. You may want to actually thank them because if it weren’t for those experiences you wouldn’t be the strong individual, whose standing tall today. Have you considered that God kept you hidden and protected for a reason? Have you considered that God wanted to show you that as a Child of God you were created in His image and made new— your mistakes were washed, and made white as snow.
Allow your courage to be an encouragement to others. Knowing that you had to go through all of those experience, so that you could set others free from the hurt they’ve also lived through. These experiences help up build strength and faith; and, just as important, it allows us to be confident in who we are.
I can only be me.
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